Turning lemons into lemonade the Hallandale Beach way: start submarine races...

My comments follow the article, which, once again, shows the circus never really ever leaves Hallandale Beach.
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http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/broward/sfl-flbboat0825sbaug25,0,3066722.story

South Florida Sun-Sentinel
Down with this ship: Hallandale Beach and neighbors want sunken vessel removed
City and neighbors want to get rid of a sunken boat
By Ihosvani Rodriguez
August 25, 2008

Hallandale Beach - A 30-foot fishing boat that went down more than a month ago is still tangled in legal red tape.

The city has been trying to figure out how to get rid of the unnamed vessel, now almost completely submerged behind a foreclosed home in the affluent Golden Isles neighborhood.

Neighbors, many living in mansions and with mega-yachts docked nearby, are outraged by the barnacle-encrusted hulk visible from the Sunset Drive bridge.

"It's a real mess, major mess," said Marvin Wellen, who lives next door to the foreclosed, $1.1 million home in the 500 block of Oleander Drive. The owner of the house, who also co-owned the boat, is missing.

The sunken boat is an example of how the housing slump and increase in foreclosures are having a devastating effect on South Florida. There were 2,865 Broward County homeowners on the verge of losing their homes to lenders in July, double the 1,430 from a year ago, according to figures from the Foreclosuresdaily.com research firm.
The number of foreclosure sales swelled to 1,648, from 381.

According to property records, Deutsche Bank National in California took possession of the house in February. It is partially boarded up, and a cloud of mosquitoes hovers over the dark, mucky pool.

Police and neighbors said rain helped sink the boat after someone snatched its batteries and water pump.

The Broward County man who holds the registration is willing to remove the boat but can't because the bank is the legal owner. The city has been trying to sort out notification rules and assess the liability that could come with simply towing the boat away.

"We've encountered one legal obstacle after another," said Sgt. Michael Michael, of the police department's Marine Patrol Unit. "I just want to get the thing out of the water."

The registered co-owner of the boat, Donald Hughes Jr., said he contacted a salvage company but still lacks bank permission to move the boat.

"I am trying to do something about it, but I can't," he said. "It's really frustrating."

Bank officials could not be reached to comment.

Nearly every city department has worked on the problem. They called the U.S. Coast Guard, but officials said the vessel isn't blocking marine traffic or posing any hazards, so they can't help.

Now commissioners are floating the idea of an ordinance to give the city greater authority over abandoned vessels. City Manager Michael Good told commissioners he is prepared to hire a private company to take care of the vessel, but first the legal issues must be resolved. Good said cleaning up the mess could cost the city more than $5,000 and drag on for another month.
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The City of Hallandale Beach's own ordinances spell out what to do.
Why not follow your own existing laws?

Do banks have super-powers that put them beyond the reach of laws?
Nope.

Asked and answered.

http://www.municode.com/resources/gateway.asp?pid=10881&sid=9

Sec. 13-42. Abandoned or derelict vessels and floats in public waters.
(a) Definitions. The following words, terms and phrases, when used in this section, shall have the meanings ascribed to them in this subsection, except where the context clearly indicates a different meaning:

Float means anything that stays or causes something else to stay on the surface of the water, including rafts, floats, davits, docks and buoyant combinations.
Owner means the record owner of a vessel, float, dock or adjacent property, and any person in possession or control, or entitled to possession or control, of the property in violation.
Public waters means rivers, streams, lakes, navigable waters and associated tributaries, canals, and any bodies of water that are accessible to the public or surrounding property owners.
Vessel means any boat, watercraft, pleasure craft or device employed in the water.

(b) Abandonment of vessels prohibited.
(1) It is unlawful for any person to place, dump or abandon or cause to be placed, dumped or abandoned in the public waters of the city any vessel or float, or portion in a wrecked, derelict, junked or substantially dismantled condition without the consent of the governmental entity having jurisdiction.
(2) It is unlawful for any person to store or leave any vessel or float of any kind in a wrecked, derelict, junked, substantially dismantled or submerged condition, or abandoned upon or in any public waterway within the jurisdiction of the city.
(3) It is unlawful for any person to moor, place, leave or tie up in any waterway within the city any vessel, float or watercraft of any kind which is found to be of unsightly appearance or in badly deteriorated condition, or which is likely to cause damage to private or public property, or which may be a menace to navigation, or which poses a threat to the environment; except that such boat, vessel or watercraft may moor at licensed marine facilities for the purpose of repair.

(c) Enforcement.
(1) If any vessel or float shall be found in violation of this section, the owner of the vessel or float and the owner of the adjacent property shall, upon notice, cause the immediate removal of the vessel or float for the purposes of repair or disposal.
(2) It shall be a defense to this section for any owner of adjacent property to show that the vessel or float came to be on or adjacent to his property without his consent or without his knowledge.
(3) If any vessel or float shall be declared in violation of this section, the city shall have the immediate right to have the vessel removed and impounded or destroyed. All costs for towing and storage will be assessed to the owner.
(4) If the vessel or float is of unsightly appearance, badly deteriorated, whether afloat or sunken, and poses no hazard to navigation, and is no threat to the environment, the city through its agents shall notify the owner or authorized person in writing and shall also post a notice, if practicable, upon the vessel or float and give the owner or authorized person a 15-day period to correct the violation. If the violation is not corrected within 30 days, the city shall have the right to have the vessel removedand impounded.
(5) If any vessel or float is towed or impounded due to violation of this section and if after 90 days, is unclaimed, it will be sold with the proceeds paying for charges incurred and the remainder shall be held for a period of 90 days to be claimed by the rightful owner and thereafter forfeited to the city if not claimed. Failure to act on the part of the owner waives all liability on the part of the city from any damage resulting from towing and storage.
(6) Storage fees may be assessed by the city if the storage facility is a city garage or docking facility, or if active storage fees are incurred.
(7) All costs incurred by the city shall be a lien on the property as provided in section 10-65.

(d) Other means of abatement.
(1) The city, upon determining that a vessel has been abandoned in the public waters and that such vessel is not a derelict vessel, may remove such vessel pursuant to the procedures set forth in F.S. ch. 705, "Lost or Abandoned Property." As set forth in F.S. § 705.103, the rightful owner of such vessel shall be liable for the costs of removal of the abandoned vessel.
(2) In addition, the city may invoke any remedy provided by state statute or rule, county ordinance, or by general law. This section shall be in addition to and supplemental to such other laws and regulations.

(e) Jurisdiction. This section may be enforced by the code enforcement board of the city, by civil citation, or in any court having jurisdiction.
(Code 1980, § 13-32)

Cross references: Traffic and motor vehicles, and boats, ch. 28.
Secs. 13-43--13-60. Reserved.
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The fantastic pull quote: "Nearly every [HB] city department has worked on the problem..."
Sure, why not give everyone in the city the opportunity to make a bad situation EVEN WORSE!

I can only imagine what DPW's solution might've been.
Put more holes in the boat so that it would float up to the surface of the water on its own?
That sounds like their sort of response.

Honestly, are the Kardashian Sisters running things at HB City Hall?
No, because even they -especially Khloe, the one who runs DASH- would have more common sense to get something done before it becomes yet another subject worthy of mocking commentary in the community and media.

Why do I say this?

Because the City of Hallandale Beach's DPW Dept. is who is nominally in charge of the city's recycling facility at Ingalls Park. http://www.hallandalebeachfl.gov/index.asp?NID=547
Have you ever been there?

It's the city in microcosm.

The recycling facility there, as I've mentioned here before, doesn't have a specific bin for household batteries, which aren't supposed to be placed with regular garbage.
(As I've noted here previously, back in Arlington County, individual Fire Stations had plastic bins located outside the building for easy drop off of household batteries.)

The recycling facility that for months this spring and summer had lids missing from the recycling dumpsters.

Then, once they were properly secured, months later, someone at DPW got the "genius" idea of cutting out square holes in the lids, which is their current state.
Presumably, so that the plastic, aluminum and glass that is recycled by HB citizens can be assured of getting their weekly intake of rainwater.

The recycling facility that is one block south of Hallandale Beach Blvd. but which has ZERO directional signs on that street -or the neighborhood- indicating where the recycling facility is
located.

Honestly, if consciously you do a piss-poor job of maintaining the facility in the first place, and don't bother to even post helpful signs on one of the city's three main thoroughfares, a block away, don't act disappointed that the public's response rate is lower than you expected.

Typical Hallandale Beach City Hall Planning: Garbage in, garbage out!
And no common sense for recycling.
It's beyond embarrassing!

It's made all the worse by the fact that I've mentioned all these matters before in minute detail at public meetings where Mayor Joy Cooper, City Manager Mike Good and DPW director Brant were present.

This coming weekend, take a look at the self-evident photos I'll have posted here, which I've snapped over the past few months to highlight the neglect and mismanagment of something that seems almost too simple to screw up?

And ask yourself why these simple problems can't be solved by Mr. Brant, the head of DPW, and City Hall?

As to the matter of the boat, perhaps HB can ask the U.S. Coast Guard or Navy to bring in an underwater demolition squad to have a go at it.

[Perhaps the Coast Guard will recognize it for the great opportunity that it is and contact the producers down in Coconut Grove at South Beach Hoosier fave Burn Notice, and incorporate the explosion into an upcoming episode. http://www.usanetwork.com/series/burnnotice/
Why not?

I've already daydreamed a bit during some recent boring govt. meetings and imagined myself laughing and conversing with Burn Notice newbie Tricia Helfer over a table at an outdoor restaurant at the new Village of Gulfstream once it's finito. http://www.triciahelfer.com/

Not as her crossword puzzle-carrying, gun-wielding baddie character Carla, but just Tricia, another in a long line of beautiful and interesting actresses from Canada who've come south of the border. For which we're all very grateful!

Her popularity is such that when you simply type in the name "Tricia" in Google, her website comes up as your #1 choice. Now that's popular!

See this interesting column from Sunday's Los Angeles Times:
'Burn Notice': The Novel
Does a real writer accept a gig doing books spun off from films or TV shows? A real writer found the answer to his own question.
By Tod Goldberg, Special to The Times
August 24, 2008
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-ca-tie-ins24-2008aug24,0,6163967.story?track=ntothtml

If you want a more descripive bio of the evil Miss Carla:
http://www.usanetwork.com/series/burnnotice/theshow/characterprofiles/carla/index.html ]

Once the 'frog men' have done their thing, when the explosion -naturally- goes awry, and causes damage to nearby Golden Isles homes, or ruptures some underground pipes, causing a total loss of pressure to water pipes, and requires area mega-money residents to line-up every morning with giant water containers for the Red Cross and Broward County Emergency water dispensery, everyone can ask why it is that these sort of things always spiral out-of-control, over and over again in Hallandale Beach.

Of course, on the plus side, maybe the explosion will cause some oil to come bubblin' up a la Jed Clampett.
You know, "Texas Tea."

Just don't let Granny see the Navy 'frog men,' because as you all know perfectly well, Granny hates 'frog men' anywhere near the 'cement pond.'

One of the funniest BH episodes ever!
The first of the nine-episode arc on frog men which eventually led to the 'Grunion Invasion."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Beverly_Hillbillies_episodes
Episode 254, October 6, 1970 "Mark Templeton Arrives"
Mark Templeton, a Navy frogman, arrives to court Elly May, but Granny misunderstands his profession and thinks he is half-human, half-frog.